The Emasculation of Women

Emasculation according to Oxford dictionary, means “to deprive a man of his male role or identity” and “make something or someone weaker or less effective”.

I have never heard a female equivalent of that word. So I asked my trusty AI if there is a word for that in women, here’s what AI says “Social Context:

The term “emasculation” carries a strong connotation of taking away power and authority. While women also face attempts to strip away their power, the concept and language around it differ significantly from men”. Hmmm… I call bs on this later part. No the concept of power and authority are the same for all humans. It’s just that our society believes it is the domain of men, not women. 

My personal experience in social contexts, mainly in my profession, is that power and authority belong to men, while beauty, niceness, nurturance or even fertility belong to women. So while emasculation means stripping a man of his power and authority; defemination, if that word existed, would mean stripping a woman of her beauty, likability, nurturance or fertility. 

Isn’t that just bunkers?

Back to the story of the 3 guys and I am beginning to see a common thread. I do like my men coming at me from the front. No back door slide ins, no falling into each other’s genitals, no indirect vagueries about wanting to hang out when what you wanted all along was sex. No that feels deceptive and also signals to me that I can’t trust you. 

I recently went through a mental catalog of men I feel comfortable (read safe) with and men that I stay away from. Interestingly, those I stay away from overlaps with those I feel a sense of familiarity with. Ah! It always goes back to our fathers, doesn’t it? 

My father, and the men in the category of “stay away from” have one thing in common. They do not recognize or honor my boundaries. What does that look like? It looks like familiarity that breeds disrespect. It looks like jokingly taking without asking, it looks like not even recognizing that they are taking so they don’t ask, it looks like assumptions of who I am or what I want and it may show up as a generous gesture but to me it feels as much a gift as a steak dinner feels to a caged ferocious lion. I want to F-ing roar, I want to roam the wild forests, I want to find and hunt my prey, I want to feel the surge of pride in my prowess, I want to mark my territory and have all visitors recognize my land and then ask for permission before entering; I want the fear of goddess shaking in your heart when you try to take something that’s mine without asking or try to near my cub. 

And that is a recognition of my power and authority in a nutshell. That is what the English language has no word for because it believes that what’s between my legs is the final arbiter of whether or not I have power and authority

Guy 3 asked me, through my tantrika friend, for my contact information. He didn’t say, are you open to sharing your contact? He didn’t say would you like to stay in touch? He didn’t say, would you like me to send you some pictures I took of you? None of that. He just assumed that I would be a yes and all he needed to do was ask my tantrika friend to share it with him. Well, she was wise enough to check in with me and I was a No. He was a fun guy to hang out with and we had some great times out on the playa but back home I am trimming my friend list to only those who recognize the power and authority of this woman; who know to come through the front door- knock, and tell me who they are and what they want. Then wait for my response. And only advance forward if my response is a He*l Yes